I have just recently been realizing that I just kind of disappeared from NPN (though maintaining my membership) without saying a heartfelt thank you to the many of you that helped me so much. I don't know who is still here, but I'm writing this just in case.
I haven't done any photography since I last posted here. I don't want this to be a TMI post, but I think those of you who helped me so much deserve some explanation.
Basically the last few years I've had a serious problem with depression and anxiety, and when I stopped posting here I had come to the conclusion that I'm not a photographer, that I could and did learn a whole lot from NPN members, but that I don't have the innate ability, and it was very, very hard for me.
I think sometimes that I could try again, but the older I get (I'll be 69 in June) the harder it is to think about carrying the heavy camera, heavy lenses, heavy tripod, heavy backpack, and walking miles to sometimes go home with pretty much nothing. So I don't know whether I ever will.
The two years that I did nature photography and was active in NPN were two glorious years, though. While sometimes dangerous (like the time I sat down three feet from a pigmy rattlesnake without seeing it until I got up, at which time it was still sunning itself and I was able to take pictures of it, and the times I barely made it back to finding my car by dark), those days spent all alone with nothing but nature were good for my soul.
So thank you again for your patience and for everything you taught me. I plan on keeping my NPN membership just in case. I wish you all the best.
Hello Barbara, good to see your recent post here. Very sorry to hear about your past health issues. I know only too well how debilitating any type of chronic illness or any type of disability can change one's quality of life at times. Never easy to push through them or find a path of not giving in and not enjoying what we really like to do in life.
I can also appreciate the age thing. It happens to all of us. I can say I'm much younger....., pushing the heck out of 68 now myself and do share in ongoing health issues as well. Although the health items these days are age related, most of my life has been under medical care for one reason or another.
With this all said I guess at an early age I just learned not to let it stop me from what I wanted to do most. That was just being active. Being retired now I find at least one day a week to go out and do photographic work. As far as being good at it as you mentioned, it is darn good for me whether it impacts others positively who might see the finished products is not what drives me. Yes it's truly nice to share the images and have other folks hopefully enjoy the work, but it is not a deal breaker in the end for me.
After reviewing your very fine gallery I can only encourage you to get back out there as often as you can. You have some very impressive images and I can tell your heart is into doing this endeavor. I can only sum it up by quoting your statement here:
The two years that I did nature photography and was active in NPN were two glorious years, though.
Hi, Barbara - just sent you a private note through the email link below your name, but it came back. Would you please email me with your current email address?
Sandy
Posted by Jim Zablotny on April 23, 2016 at 7:48 AM
Hi Barb,
Every photographer sees things through their own eyes which makes each photo unique. Compare your early photos with your most recent work and you will see how your technique has improved. You have your own style which is truly yours. Also, nature photography is a wonderful distraction from the less then ideal happenings of daily life. Nothing makes me happier, then when I'm covered in mud, sunburn, mosquito bites, nearly destroyed my car going through a puddle that has no bottom, and have an SD card full of images. And that's a great day.......................Jim
Posted by Mark Seaver on April 23, 2016 at 9:35 AM
Hi Barbara, It's good to hear from you. I hope your health issues continue to improve. For me, while the photography is often the reason for getting out in nature, there's lots of joy and satisfaction just in getting out and wandering around with my eyes wide open even if I don't come back with any quality images (as you clearly know). Yes, I can't cover as much ground or get to the remote places that I could 10 - 15 years ago, but there is pleasure to be found in any natural (and even a lot of unnatural, ) area(s).
Posted by Jim Erhardt on April 23, 2016 at 9:59 AM
Barbara, judging from the photos in your gallery, I'll have to respectfully disagree with your "lack of innate ability" assessment!
Though nature photography has its own set of unique benefits, I find as much joy and satisfaction photographing non-nature subjects. In fact, over the last five years non-nature has been the rule for me, not the exception.
I hope you find the motivation to get back behind the viewfinder!
Posted by Steve Kennedy on April 23, 2016 at 11:09 AM
Hi Barbara! Thank you for posting. I have thought about you many times over the last couple years. I watched your growth as a photographer, how seriously you took and used the comments and advice you received, and how rapidly your skills improved, Like Jim, I respectfully disagree with your "lack of innate ability." I have told your story to many people as I've talked about NPN and the value of membership. Your growth as a photographer was inspiring and I would love to see you get back into it. You did some flora work. Now that it's spring perhaps there are good subjects in your yard or local park.
Posted by Lon Overacker on April 23, 2016 at 12:56 PM
... those days spent all alone with nothing but nature were good for my soul.
Rinse, repeat, rinse, repeat... Thanks for posting Barbara. It took courage to post and from what's been posted so far it just goes to show the quality and caring of folks of this community. I think a good choice to hang on to membership here.
I too just recently returned after a 2 year hiatus. Hiatus isn't the right word either - life throws us curve balls, I lost motivation towards photography... but just like your quote above, no matter what goes on, there is a passion for things we love to do and deep down never want to give up. And it's not just photography, it's any endeavor one enjoys and has passions about. I finally bought a digital camera and I'm back photographing again - although not nearly as much and as often as I would like.
So get back out there! Remember, it's good for your soul!
Lon
ps. I noticed a lot of wildlife, mostly birds in your gallery. I will say this about wildlife photography. I ain't easy! I can understand your frustration, but like Jim and others, it has little to do with your abilities. When I started out, I got the big lens and loved the challenge of the hunt so to speak of photographing birds, wildlife etc. It took a few years, but I finally realized that if one really wants to be good at what they do, wildlife photography is hard requires dedication! You literally need to dedicate yourself to that niche of nature photography. You have to live, breath wildlife, study habitats, behavior, seasons, migrations.... get up hours before sunrise, sit in blinds, travel to special locations.... the list goes on. Oh, and like all good photography, there is always a matter of luck and just being in the right place at the right time. Kudos to all those wildlife photographers. In other words, at least for me, if I do something, I want to be good at it. Being very good at wildlife photography was going to take more than I was willing, or even could, do. Taking pictures of trees and rocks is easy. They don't move and you can't spook them.
Thank you so much for your kind words of support, and especially for the personal insights from you all. I really, really appreciate it. :) :)
Posted by Igor Doncov on April 25, 2016 at 10:21 AM
Barbara. Although I don't know you very well I can relate to your feelings strongly.
You state that you discovered after several years that "you're not a photographer" and lack the innate ability and no longer care to pursue something that's unachievable. My first reaction is "who really is a photographer". But I think what you're saying is that you feel you're not as capable as the others. And that's an issue that can exist here as some are recognized more than others. But the truth is that everyone has their own perspective on subjects and their own reaction to what they see. It's a mistake to change and conform your world view to that of others in order to be recognized. My suggestion is to be proud of your work and don't 'evaluate' it. Just shoot from the heart and it will come out well.
And that brings up the second matter. I have to keep telling this myself. Don't shoot for a result but shoot for the process of shooting. No matter what ails you photography will help you mentally and emotionally because it takes your from from the within to the world around you. It lifts your spirit. I often shoot just to feel better. Had to write a check to IRS for $15000? Pick up the camera and shoot. Son got a bad report card? Get the camera and shoot. I can guarantee you that you will come back with a stronger frame of mind. The only difficult part is to decide to pick up the camera and step out that door. Once you've done that you've won the battle.
Posted by Richard Ditch on April 25, 2016 at 1:06 PM
I'm glad you posted this as I've often thought about you and your photography. I'm glad to hear you are still with us.
I agree with the other comments so far. Avian is a very difficult pursuit, and you've done well with it. But don't let the issues of avian drive your photography. Avian is obviously the bulk of my own shooting, but I still have strong interests in lots of other subjects (you'll see that in the posts to my blog). I have all sorts of lenses, from a 12-24mm wide zoom, through 105 and 200mm macro lenses, and an ancient 50/1.8 that I turn to for dark interiors.
And as I too get older and my arthritis gets worse I fnd I'm out with just a 300/4 and no tripod for some of my avian work, relying on the 24MP of my Nikon D7200 to give me more cropping options to compensate for the shorter lens.
I shoot only for myself, so I don't have to worry about pleasing a client or getting lots of favorable comments at NPN.
When I was leading a bird walk on Sunday I left my serious gear in the car. But I had the cameras in my iPad Mini and in my iPhone 5s for casual encounters, and I even brought along an old Nikon Coolpix S8000 just in case. And I used the Coolpix for some shots of a blooming cactus so I could share it with my wife when I got home.
The important thing for me is getting out and seeing stuff, and the process of photography makes me look and see more, regardless of the camera or lens or other gear used. I hope you will get out to shoot or even just to look and see.
Igor and Richard, thank you. I think you're both right in that the process of photography and how that helps you see more, a lot more, is probably the most important thing, at least at some stages of or times in life. Speaking of phones, I don't have an iPhone, but I didn't want to let more time go by without capturing this scene for myself for now and for the future, so I just used my Samsung Galaxy S4. This is what I see if I'm driving up to my house in the very late afternoon. I'm really glad I have this image now, just for me. I call it Evening Flowers. :)
Posted by Richard Ditch on April 26, 2016 at 4:42 PM
That's a nice collection of waders. I'm glad you shot this and shared it. "Evening Flowers" is a good title as well.
Discussion
12 repliesI haven't done any photography since I last posted here. I don't want this to be a TMI post, but I think those of you who helped me so much deserve some explanation.
Basically the last few years I've had a serious problem with depression and anxiety, and when I stopped posting here I had come to the conclusion that I'm not a photographer, that I could and did learn a whole lot from NPN members, but that I don't have the innate ability, and it was very, very hard for me.
I think sometimes that I could try again, but the older I get (I'll be 69 in June) the harder it is to think about carrying the heavy camera, heavy lenses, heavy tripod, heavy backpack, and walking miles to sometimes go home with pretty much nothing. So I don't know whether I ever will.
The two years that I did nature photography and was active in NPN were two glorious years, though. While sometimes dangerous (like the time I sat down three feet from a pigmy rattlesnake without seeing it until I got up, at which time it was still sunning itself and I was able to take pictures of it, and the times I barely made it back to finding my car by dark), those days spent all alone with nothing but nature were good for my soul.
So thank you again for your patience and for everything you taught me. I plan on keeping my NPN membership just in case. I wish you all the best.
Barbara Graham
I can also appreciate the age thing. It happens to all of us. I can say I'm much younger.....
With this all said I guess at an early age I just learned not to let it stop me from what I wanted to do most. That was just being active. Being retired now I find at least one day a week to go out and do photographic work. As far as being good at it as you mentioned, it is darn good for me whether it impacts others positively who might see the finished products is not what drives me. Yes it's truly nice to share the images and have other folks hopefully enjoy the work, but it is not a deal breaker in the end for me.
After reviewing your very fine gallery I can only encourage you to get back out there as often as you can. You have some very impressive images and I can tell your heart is into doing this endeavor. I can only sum it up by quoting your statement here:
Sandy
Every photographer sees things through their own eyes which makes each photo unique. Compare your early photos with your most recent work and you will see how your technique has improved. You have your own style which is truly yours. Also, nature photography is a wonderful distraction from the less then ideal happenings of daily life. Nothing makes me happier, then when I'm covered in mud, sunburn, mosquito bites, nearly destroyed my car going through a puddle that has no bottom, and have an SD card full of images. And that's a great day.......................Jim
Though nature photography has its own set of unique benefits, I find as much joy and satisfaction photographing non-nature subjects. In fact, over the last five years non-nature has been the rule for me, not the exception.
I hope you find the motivation to get back behind the viewfinder!
I too just recently returned after a 2 year hiatus. Hiatus isn't the right word either - life throws us curve balls, I lost motivation towards photography... but just like your quote above, no matter what goes on, there is a passion for things we love to do and deep down never want to give up. And it's not just photography, it's any endeavor one enjoys and has passions about. I finally bought a digital camera and I'm back photographing again - although not nearly as much and as often as I would like.
So get back out there! Remember, it's good for your soul!
Lon
ps. I noticed a lot of wildlife, mostly birds in your gallery. I will say this about wildlife photography. I ain't easy! I can understand your frustration, but like Jim and others, it has little to do with your abilities. When I started out, I got the big lens and loved the challenge of the hunt so to speak of photographing birds, wildlife etc. It took a few years, but I finally realized that if one really wants to be good at what they do, wildlife photography is hard requires dedication! You literally need to dedicate yourself to that niche of nature photography. You have to live, breath wildlife, study habitats, behavior, seasons, migrations.... get up hours before sunrise, sit in blinds, travel to special locations.... the list goes on. Oh, and like all good photography, there is always a matter of luck and just being in the right place at the right time. Kudos to all those wildlife photographers. In other words, at least for me, if I do something, I want to be good at it. Being very good at wildlife photography was going to take more than I was willing, or even could, do. Taking pictures of trees and rocks is easy. They don't move and you can't spook them.
You state that you discovered after several years that "you're not a photographer" and lack the innate ability and no longer care to pursue something that's unachievable. My first reaction is "who really is a photographer". But I think what you're saying is that you feel you're not as capable as the others. And that's an issue that can exist here as some are recognized more than others. But the truth is that everyone has their own perspective on subjects and their own reaction to what they see. It's a mistake to change and conform your world view to that of others in order to be recognized. My suggestion is to be proud of your work and don't 'evaluate' it. Just shoot from the heart and it will come out well.
And that brings up the second matter. I have to keep telling this myself. Don't shoot for a result but shoot for the process of shooting. No matter what ails you photography will help you mentally and emotionally because it takes your from from the within to the world around you. It lifts your spirit. I often shoot just to feel better. Had to write a check to IRS for $15000? Pick up the camera and shoot. Son got a bad report card? Get the camera and shoot. I can guarantee you that you will come back with a stronger frame of mind. The only difficult part is to decide to pick up the camera and step out that door. Once you've done that you've won the battle.
I agree with the other comments so far. Avian is a very difficult pursuit, and you've done well with it. But don't let the issues of avian drive your photography. Avian is obviously the bulk of my own shooting, but I still have strong interests in lots of other subjects (you'll see that in the posts to my blog). I have all sorts of lenses, from a 12-24mm wide zoom, through 105 and 200mm macro lenses, and an ancient 50/1.8 that I turn to for dark interiors.
And as I too get older and my arthritis gets worse I fnd I'm out with just a 300/4 and no tripod for some of my avian work, relying on the 24MP of my Nikon D7200 to give me more cropping options to compensate for the shorter lens.
I shoot only for myself, so I don't have to worry about pleasing a client or getting lots of favorable comments at NPN.
When I was leading a bird walk on Sunday I left my serious gear in the car. But I had the cameras in my iPad Mini and in my iPhone 5s for casual encounters, and I even brought along an old Nikon Coolpix S8000 just in case. And I used the Coolpix for some shots of a blooming cactus so I could share it with my wife when I got home.
The important thing for me is getting out and seeing stuff, and the process of photography makes me look and see more, regardless of the camera or lens or other gear used. I hope you will get out to shoot or even just to look and see.